ｆｉｆｔｈ。 ｗｒｉｔｔｅｎ。

[repudiate]

[ ... It's strange. When Ange comes back from the mission she went on to get Battler's departure of her mind, she decides to visit her mother first, just quickly - just to make sure she's okay now, although she doesn't doubt it, Kyrie's pretty strong, after all.. but instead the house just seems really quiet, and no matter where she looks in it, it's like there's nobody there. She can already guess what it means, which is why she soundlessly drops on the floor with a near empty-looking expression as she opens the journal and tries to contact her mother that way. ... Still.. nothing.

No way. No way-- first Battler left, and now her mother did too, and neither times was she even allowed to say goodbye? Silently she shakes her head to herself, but instead Ange notices that she's already start crying. It's unfair, too unfair-- losing her family at the start of October twice by now..

It takes a long time before she even stops crying. But even then she doesn't move from where she's sitting, she completely lacks the power and will to do so. She doesn't even feel like going home anymore, even if that's only right next door to the house she's in right now. She just...
... After what seems like an eternity it still takes way too much effort to make herself open the journal, writing in it with shaky fingers, the words empty and meaningless. ]

For those that hadn't noticed yet, Battler Ushiromiya left Luceti a little while ago.

As of this morning, Kyrie Ushiromiya is gone as well.

( ooc: i'll be slow on tags since i have quite the backlog, so please bear with me! )

Comments

voice

[hiken_ace]

[He can understand why she's uncertain if she wants company or not. He was the same when Luffy left, and when someone died. He'll go for a compromise.]

We don't have to meet up. I can just stay here and talk to you, if it'll help.

[repudiate]

I don't think I have much interesting to say.

[ She does want to talk though, she's just.. admitting this much as she writes it down. With the way she's feeling right now, she can hardly think, let alone write casual chitchat as if nothing happened. ]

[hiken_ace]

I never said it had to be interesting. [He wouldn't expect it, either.] I don't mind listening to what you have to say.

[He's hoping she'll get the hint to talk about this whole mess.]

[repudiate]

[ Ange does get it, really. It's just that.. even with the hint, it's difficult to talk about. She's not one to vent, she bottles it usually all up instead, just like now. Even when the hurt is enough to tear her apart. ]

There's not much to say.

[ a pause, and then she writes on again. ]

They're just [ ... ] gone. Again.

[hiken_ace]

[He doesn't want to push her to talk about it, but he doesn't want her to keep it all to herself, either.]

And it hurts. There's not much to say about that? [He'll just nudge in the right direction.]

[repudiate]

Of course it hurts. [ More than anything. Even though she thought she had built up a happy sort of existence here in this place, things like these remind her of just how fast they can crumble away below her feet as if it's nothing. And if there's anything she's bad at, it's letting go or saying goodbye. ]

Who knows who else might leave now.

[hiken_ace]

That's definitely not the thing to say. [He's been there before, and it honestly just makes the situation a hundred times worse.] I'm still here, right? So's your boyfriend. And Marco. And a lot of you other friends. Don't worry about them leaving when it hasn't even happened yet. Focus on the fact that they're here now to help you.

[repudiate]

But

[ She doesn't write on, because there's a thousand things she could say. But it's scary. But they might leave either way. But she might end up alone all the same, again. Just like has happened before, again and again and again, to the point where it turns into some fear that it's like an inevitable fate. ]

'It's scary', she wants to say, but it sounds too weak. ]

If I don't start worrying already, it'll hurt more when everyone does leave. Just like now. It only hit me since I became careless.

[hiken_ace]

Hurting is a part of life. We can't avoid it no matter how much we try. [She has to know that much.] If you worry about being hurt, then you'd never make friends in the first place. If you constantly worry about them leaving, how can you enjoy that they're here now?

wow, html, what were you doing up there..

[repudiate]

[ He's hitting the nail on the head, really. It's what someone told her before - she can't be happy because she doesn't allow herself to be happy until there's nothing around that can make her unhappy.

And since there's always something possible to make her unhappy.. she never gets happy. Just like Maria said. ]

... I just wish it would stop hurting. For once.

using magiiiic

[hiken_ace]

[He hates this part.] It can't. And I don't think it ever will. Once it stops hurting is when you stop caring about others.

[But there is a light in all this darkness.] That's why the rest of us are still here. To help with the hurting. That's what friends do. They help it be a little better.

[repudiate]

That's what they do..?

[ For a girl who's lacked friends or even anyone who would be remotely sympathetic to her for twelve years, it's a strange concept. That there can be someone to help with the pain.. it's something she's only learned really recently in this place. ]

[hiken_ace]

Yeah. That's what people like me are here for. [Hopefully, she'll think more like that from now on. Even a little would be good.]

[repudiate]

I [ for quite a bit, just that 'I' remains on the page, as if she doesn't know what to write, or she's hesitating, or just-- ... it's.. strange.. So strange, it's not like she didn't have friends here before, but it's just so difficult to realise at times like these. But now it hits her, like some kind of truck at full speed..

.. She's not alone. Even now.. she's not alone. ]

Thank you.

It means a lot to me. .. No, more than just a lot.

[hiken_ace]

I'm glad to help you, Ange. I like to call you a friend, so I'd like to help.

[repudiate]

I wouldn't mind the same in return a whole lot, I guess. .. Calling you.. a friend, I mean.

[hiken_ace]

I know I'd like that. It feels good, knowing you've got people there for you.

[repudiate]

It's better than being all alone, isn't it?

[hiken_ace]

Nothing's worse than being alone. Trust me.

[repudiate]

.. No, I don't even have to trust you on that one. I.. already know. It's the most painful thing ever, like you're being crushed..

[hiken_ace]

So you know that pain, too, huh? [He's actually not happy about that. Being alone sucks. :\]

[repudiate]

I was literally alone for twelve years before I ended up in this place. [ she sure knows that feeling, man.. ;; ]

[hiken_ace]

I wasn't alone that long, but prison made it all the worse. At least now you've got people who don't want you to be alone, huh?

[repudiate]

Yeah, I guess I do, but.. you were in prison?

[hiken_ace]

... well, that's what happens when pirates get turned in to the marines. It doesn't really bother me anymore, though. I've got people here now, that's what matters.